I am SO excited to share this intel with you. It comes straight from men which makes it all the more juicy and creditable. As you know, I took to our instagram community and asked the gents to give us first date advice and tips. 24 generous men submitted their responses and I have to admit, I’m impressed.

I’m going to start this article off with a screenshot (yes, I asked for permission to repost it) because I honestly couldn’t have said it any better myself, hence why I’m pasting this puppy right in here! And the fact that these words are coming from a man… LADIES, LISTEN UP!

^ Can we please clap for this unfiltered fck-yes-worthy advice? ^

I’m going to chat more about those two tips but let’s get into the other pieces of advice that were given!

Be Yourself

This was the most common response men sent me. They want us to be US. The biggest mistake you can make while dating is to present and tailor yourself to be someone who you think they want you to be. I’m all for personal development and self-improvement but there is a fine line between these two things and totally losing yourself in the midst of trying to become someone you are not based on someone else’s preference.

This actually makes me cringe. First off, you are not only misleading this man, you are misleading yourself. I promise you are interesting, funny, talented and endearing. You don’t have to lie about loving sports if you actually could care less about them. You shouldn’t say you’re active and like to be outdoors if all you want to do is stay in and watch the Kardashian reruns on a Sunday. If that’s you, THAT’S OK.  Maybe you can be honest and find a lover boy who also wants to stay in. Maybe his thing is video gaming, IDK, BUT DON’T RECREATE YOUR BITMOJI THROUGHOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Know who you are, what you like, what you don’t like. If someone isn’t going to appreciate that, they are not your person and you are not theirs, and THAT’S OK.

Don’t want to listen to me? This is coming straight from a man:

Offer To Pay

Cheese and fckn rice. Do women just sit there while the check comes and smile? Do they look down at their phone? Do they go to the bathroom minutes before the check arrives? What the actual fck.

Ladies, even if you have no intention of paying, especially if this man invited you on the first date, please offer. Offer every single time. The fact that this was the second most common response confirms the fact that men want to feel appreciated for their efforts. They also want to know that you too are making an equal investment in the relationship. Though it’s still early on, manners should NEVER be lacking. And if you lack the manners to offer, it’s quite telling that you may have a little Princess Syndrome.

Always offer to pay for your half, bottom line. If they are a true gentleman raised with proper manners, he will politely decline your offer (but appreciate it VERY much). If they let you pay on the first date, you have my permission to consider that enough to politely decline date #2.

Contribute To The Conversation

Remember up there ^ when I said that YOU ARE interesting, funny and endearing? This is your time to shine. I fully understand having first date jitters and sometimes that prevents you from being able to ease into the moment and truly be yourself but try approaching the date with ZERO EXPECTATIONS for the outcome. I assume the only reason why you would be upset if the date were to go south is because you were excited for what this guy COULD BE. What if it was just catching up with an old friend? How effortless would that feel? Maybe try thinking that you are getting to know an old friend.

One of the best ways to engage in conversations is through asking questions. Try asking something along these lines to get you both into a good flow of conversation:

• Which celebrities would you want to be your mom and dad?
• What’s the last show you binge-watched?
• What are you passionate about?
• Who are your kind of people?
• What do you do to unwind from the day/week?
• What’s your silliest fear?
• What charity would you be most passionate about if time and money weren’t a concern?

Here is another little hack, READ SOME BOOKS. If you’re saying that you don’t like to read or you’re ‘not a good reader’, you’re reading the wrong shit. Trust me on that one.

I think we all take books and their authors for granted. Books are years and sometimes even DECADES of someone’s expertise on a subject and we have the ability and privilege to “download” their entire life’s work in a few hours or days- how fcking epic is that?.

Read some books, listen to podcasts and talk about allll the interesting and funny things that resonate with you. Ladies, being educated, even on the strangest of topics is quirky and endearing. Brains are sexy.

Don’t Drink Too Much

Is there a good rule for this? Like, for every one drink your date has, do you just have half, or in my case, a quarter?? Honestly, I’m not too sure. If you know you drink a bit too much because you get nervous, first things first, REMEMBER WHO TF YOU ARE. Act like the high-value woman you are and know that you deserve to be on a date with a (hopefully) really hot and really nice guy. You don’t need ‘liquid courage’ to give you confidence. You need to revisit your known value and get your worth in check.

Sometimes saying that you are a bit nervous helps ease the nervousness. Plus, it’s also kinda cute. The guy will most likely take this as a little compliment and find it endearing. He may even admit that he too is a bit jittery. Ugh, cute, mini bonding!

If the guy encourages you to keep drinking, that’s a red fckn flag. There really is no good that can come from drinking too much. The guy literally sees you at your worst and he has SUCH and easy out since he barely knows you.

PSA, you don’t HAVE to go out for drinks to get to know someone. You can do something that doesn’t involve lowering your inhibitions and standards such as a sunset stroll, or go to one of those Escape Room things. That’s a sure way to tell if you’ll be a good team or not, lmao.

Don’t Talk About Your Ex

I’m allll for having deep conversations and I actually think (briefly) reflecting on past relationships is ok if it naturally comes up. But randomly bringing up your ex, your ex’s friends, family, car, dog, favorite restaurant and life is such a turn off.

I really shouldn’t have to explain this at all so I’ll leave you with two things to ponder.

• This was one of the most common things gents said NOT to do.
• Would you want the guy you’re on a date with to randomly bring up their ex?

Other Tips for a First Date

• Don’t sleep with them on the first date
• I’ve had multiple of my guy friends tell me that if they sleep with someone on the first date, even if they are a “12” out of 10, it ruins the attraction and intrigue they had towards them. But look, if you are only looking for some capital-F-fun, then do you, boo boo. But if you are trying to be respectfully courted, the best way of speeding that up is to actually slow things down on a physical level. There’s a little paradox for ya!
• Make an effort to look good
• I’m not saying men are going to notice the highlighter on your brow bone, or your brand-new blouse, but they know what looks good. An effort in your appearance is not only pleasing to the eye, but the gent will feel more attracted towards you knowing that you made a special effort, just for him. Also, when you look good, you feel good. Hello, confidence. Example of effort: a soft curl, glossy lips, heels/wedges, etc…
• Be on time
• Bring some happy vibes to the table
• You know what’s attractive? Smiling and laughing. Laughing and smiling.
• Stay off your phone
• Unless it’s important/urgent, and let them know that.
• Don’t wear too much make up
• I didn’t say it, they did. Ladies… do you think a guy wants to come home to his favorite t-shirt with your make up smeared all over it after giving you a hug? If someone ruined my shirt, I’d be pissed too. Aside from that, I think the majority of men appreciate what they don’t really see too much of these days… natural beauty.
• Text him after the date
• Text him before heading to bed and let him know that you had a great time and thank him for inviting you out. If you don’t plan on seeing him again because you simply weren’t that interested, you can wait until he invites you out again to say you’re not interested. Check out this article on how to tell him you’re not interested.

Ok, that’s all we’ve got for ya, ladies! Thank you to all the gents who helped me create this article!

Stephanie Daily

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