Dear digital journal… and reader,

I’m thinking about starting a little series where I share some entires that will mainly consist of personal breakthroughs or profound thoughts I’ve recently had.

I’m not going to promote them in any way, so if someone happens to stumble upon them while skimming through the other articles, that’s really the only way they’ll know about these.

So, consider it your fate if you’re reading this now. Maybe you’re meant to be reading it to assist your personal breakthroughs and profound thoughts,  who knows?! You do ;).

I wanted to share a little—just kidding it’s actually a huge breakthrough, haha.

For nearly my entire life I wanted to be a singer. I was so passionate about it, and still am that I get this  intense vibrational feeling throughout my entire body and my chest swells with a sense of euphoria. I really can’t describe it any other way. Is it adrenaline? I have no fckn idea, guys. I really don’t. But if something can bring out this much emotion, it’s something I better pay attention to.

A few months ago I put out an article on how to begin pursuing your dreams. In retrospect, it was a very cathartic post because I believe I was talking to myself about carrying out my own singing aspirations. One of the steps I spoke about was to hold yourself accountable, personally or publicly. So I did just that. I asked whoever was reading the article to hold me to my word that I will post a video of me singing on my Instagram before the end of the year (2019).

Queue in the anxiety.

Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to share a video for 4,404 people to see and judge? Can I just delete the post? Should I start taking voice lessons again? What are people going to think? Can I block anyone who asks me to post the video I promised? Am I really going to have to Venmo every follower $1?!?! LMAO.

I’ve come to realize that when you publicly express yourself, ALL your shit comes up. Like, insecurities, gifts and all. But here is what I gained from being vulnerable about one of my deepest desires… I am sure I enjoy singing, and I would love to sing in front of the ones I care for and love the most but here is what I learned after reflecting on all of this: I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard and I wanted to know that my voice and message made a difference. All along I thought that meant I had to be a singer… to be seen, heard and respected.

But I think I was wrong… to be seen and heard you need the most basic things the majority of us already have access to… a set of values that you wouldn’t compromise for anything or anyone, and the bravery to go after and embody the life you know you deserve. I’ve come to realize that in living life this way, you become a mirror for everyone to see their own limiting beliefs and gifts… and that is what makes a difference; when you are authentically yourself. It either triggers or encourages others to do the same. If it is the former, I hope they work through their own blocks that help them realize other’s are truly a reflection and reminder of what we want to experience in our own lives.

With love,

Stephanie

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