Ladies and gents looking for love or lust, by the end of this article you will have figured out if the person you are pursuing is truly worth your time or not. I apologize in advance for any offense that I may cause, if you haven’t caught on yet, I like keeping it real REAL so you don't waste your precious time on the wrong people. Let's begin!

The only reason why someone would say no (or come up with an excuse) to a date without knowing you is if they are not entirely attracted to you; that could be on a mental, emotional or physical level.

Let's say you just asked someone to hang out, get coffee, go on a date, go on a spontaneous weekender, ETC... you made the move - they in turn respond by saying they're busy working, studying, traveling, have family in town, you know - all that regular bologna. Here is how to tell if they're actually interested or not-

If they don't pose a different day to hang out, they are not interested in you.

So I say wait for it. Wait for this exact moment - it should come shortly after them telling you they are unable to meet for whatever reason. If it doesn't, be polite and wish them well on whatever else they're going to be doing and take your confidence, generosity and time elsewhere.

If someone is not interested in you, it should be an automatic turn off FOR YOU.

We often begin to like someone even more when they are inconsistent and hard to decipher. This reaction to their rejection or mixed signals actually has to do with early attachment and abandonment "wounds". Bad news: a lot of people are unaware that childhood attachment and abandonment wounds are a thing. Good news, you can heal them and skyrocket your self-worth/confidence in relationships. Let me know via DM if you'd like for me to chat about that :).

If someone isn't going to make an effort to get to know you, you mustn't take it personally and if you find yourself even more attracted to this person as they begin to pull away, there is a deeper personal attachment/abandonment issue at hand that you need to take a closer look at. You should be so sure of yourself, your value and energy you bring into a relationship that if someone is going to reject it, you almost feel sorry for them for being unable to see what you see in yourself. You should never waste your time proving your worth to anyone. High self-worth is radiant, magnetic and secure. Confidence recognizes confidence.  

Here are some other ways people are indirectly telling you they are not interested in you:

• "I’m super busy", like, for the rest of my life (lol). I do want to give the benefit of the doubt to the people who are actually extremely busy but if they felt or saw something ‘there’, they would be pursuing it. Bottom line.

• "I just got out of a relationship and I’m not ready to date." Ok, this is a valid excuse but then again, if they are intrigued or think you’re attractive, they will say yes to a date (in due time).

• “I’m focusing on my career and don’t have time for a relationship.”

• "You're too good/nice for me." (WTF?!) Multiple men have told me that the ladies they're dating suddenly drop this on them and then slowly fade AKA ghost them. Gents, if a lady ever tells you this, she genuinely may feel this way but this is what she actually means: you are not the "one" for her, for whatever reason. (My reaction when I hear this ^ BS excuse):

If I thought someone was "too good for me", I would shape TF up! I want someone who is going to add value in our relationship and encourage my growth in all areas. Don't you?

• "I’m really just not looking to date anyone right now." Ok, also valid but once again… if they think you’re bangin’, they’d be bangin’ or… at the very least, hangin’.

Maybe they do have a slight interest in you. You know, to the point of engaging in conversations but they aren’t interested enough to see if it’s worth exploring. This is where wit and charm are necessary, but that’s a different discussion.

Pro Tip:

Everyone prefers something or someone else and this has nothing to do with you personally, it has to do with their personal preference. If you haven't embodied this simple yet profound perspective, you will 100% be offended when they tell you they are not interested in you or if they're too 'nice' to be honest about this. Ever heard the saying, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there will still be somebody who hates peaches?” All you gotta do is find yourself a peach lover. Sounds easy right? How do you find yourself a peach lover? By not wasting time trying to convince a grape lover to love peaches.

‍

‍

I hope this article shifted your perspective in some way. Whether if it was confirming your concerns about someone you have been trying to pursue, or shedding light on the scale of your self-worth.

If you liked this article, let me know! If you loved it, share it with a friend ;)!

Stephanie Daily

‍