Whoever said healing was a journey was wrong. It’s a fckn FIGHT.

I’m at a point in my life where I deeply value peace. At a different point, I was stuck in the mental/ emotional loop of heartbreak— far from a peaceful state of being. My days were literally mentally consumed with extremely unhealthy and unproductive thoughts stemming from profound betrayal. It wasn’t just my mind that felt the pain… my body reacted to the heartbreak in sheer malfunction. I could barely stomach anything due to constant nausea orchestrated by worst-case scenarios, confusion, looping memories and the “what-if”/ “if only” dialogue. I lost 12 pounds and not one pound did I feel proud of losing. At my lowest, I weighed 92 pounds. On many days, it felt as if I was barely surviving. I was sick— deeply heartsick.

Never did I think the day would come. Ok, that’s a little exaggerated - I knew I would eventually get over this bloke but I could not see it happening in the foreseeable future.

There are a few things that have happened recently that helped me move on and move forward. But there was a specific pivotal point for me a few months ago… I was able to welcome the thought of forgiveness. I thought about forgiveness for me, not for the person who caused the hurt.

Remember when I said I deeply value peace? Well I really fckn do and these were the words that echoed within me: “Forgive, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you deserve peace.” It sounded like someone sweetly whispered these words into my ears. Once I heard/felt them, I started crying. It was a release, acceptance and a sense of hope for a better partner/ future all in one breakdown - it sounds heavy… it was. But it was also extremely cleansing.

How to Fully Get Over Your Ex

I understand everyone is different and so are their relationships/ circumstances but I wanted to share the pivotal points in my healing that have slowly built my emotional resilience and eventually helped me get over my ex. I hope they give you either a sense of clarity, hope or comfort for your own “fight”.

• ACCEPT: I accepted what happened and got comfortable with my new “normal”/solitude.
• DECIDE: I decided I was done feeling like a depressed zombie barely experiencing my own life.
• REMOVE: I took him off the pedestal I had initially stepped down from.
• CHOOSE GROWTH: I constantly chose growth over the pain of the past.
• JOURNAL: I began journaling/writing about my future instead of my pain/past. Writing allows you to process your feelings, thoughts and experiences while your mind expands with new perspectives (so fcking powerful).
• GIVE TIME: I gave myself A LOT of time. I said no to things and people often because mentally, emotionally and physically, I was rebuilding myself. I had no other energy to share.
• FOCUS: I focused my energy into nourishing every aspect of myself - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
• HAVE BOUNDARIES: I stopped checking in on what he was doing via social media (because highlight reels are fake as fck lolll).
• MAKE PLANS: I remember there was a point where I realized I needed some distractions. Sitting around all day wasn’t helping the ruminating. So I would make plans with friends and family to do fun things.

• WELCOME FORGIVENESS: I forgave him for his low level/ lack of self-awareness, but mainly for the sake of my own peace.
• BE PATIENT: I was patient with myself and I forgave myself for looping back around to unhealthy behaviors or thoughts. I realized that healing sometimes means taking 1-3 steps forward and other times you may take 1-2 steps back - but you must always keep pushing forward for your own well-being.
• STAY OPTIMISTIC: I was optimistic about meeting someone new/ superior.
• BE OPEN TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: I met someone new/ superior who excited me and who I was extremely attracted to. This person slowly began replacing the small mental spaces where my ex was still lingering.

This was not an easy process for me and it sure as hell didn’t happen over night, within days, weeks or even months. Regardless of how long my own processing lasted, this is what I know for certain: I gave myself exactly what I needed: time, space, patience, love, nourishment, respect, reassurance, support, protection and encouragement — each time I decided to choose growth and progression over pain, I added to my emotional resilience. I proved to myself that I am indeed capable of loving myself in ways I want someone to love me.

My intention for this article was to let you know that I understand that heartbreak absolutely fcking sucks, it's paralyzing and it turns you inside out, but that you will be okay. You will be more than just okay - you are going to be fcking great and absolutely magnetic.

Something I deeply believe in is this: life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you... and life will put us through the changes we need to go through in order to grow out of things that are not meant for us, to find our purpose or sometimes both. It is up to us to use this force for introspection and transformation.

I hope you choose to rewrite, rebuild, expand and evolve from this. I promise you that it will be the most rewarding thing you could do for yourself, if you find yourself in this situation.

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With so much love,
‍Stephanie